Not last night but the night before…. we had a BBQ around at my place and I was setup with this chick (we’ll call her Natasha – not sure she is quite ready to know all of my secrets just yet). Things went as expected and she spent the night in my bed.
It was great, she was great, she is cute but she also has a boyfriend (which I knew before hand).
I’m not sure if this bothers me or not – I suppose it doesn’t bother me that much because otherwise I wouldn’t have let her suck my cock.
Perhaps I’m not bothered because I’ve never felt as though I’ve posessed someone (a little too stong a word but you get what I mean). I really like Will and I could be in a long term relationship with him but I don’t feel as though his/my monogamy has anything to do with it at this stage and I know full well that he will sleep with other people and since he reads this blog, he is well aware of what I get up to.
A friend of mine who lives in San Francisco has a saying that he uses a lot – “There are no rules“
He isn’t an anarchist or anything like that. But his outlook on life is that if it works for you, that is OK. I like the phrase.
These guys pictured below (Aden and Jordan) have been together for a few years and are now working in the porn industry as actors. Obviously, they are working with other actors and not just each other. However, in this DNA article they talk about how they are committed as a couple – they also talk about how they involve other people in their private sex life.
There are no rules…..
4 Users Responded in " Monogamy/Polygamy/Cheating "
Well, I would disagree slightly…
Most successful polyamorous relationships are predicated upon very clear and well-defined rules, and a ton of communication (even if the only “rule” is “be a good communicator”). Almost all of the poly people I’ve dealt with who have had a more loose interpretation of that term, and who think people are just free to do what they want, end up having awful situations because someone got jealous, or they end up not being poly for very long.
Your situation with both Will and this new woman, Natasha, is such that you’ve not had to have any rules thus far–and it would be rather premature in both cases to enforce them, perhaps. However, if things become regular with both of them in the near future, then laying down a few guidelines will probably be in order, even if it is just “Let me know who else you’re sleeping with, and don’t hide it.” This is often not just a matter of open communication and honesty, but it can be an occasion for one person to totally get off on what the other has been up to in their absence.
Anyway, just a few caveats from your friendly neighborhood Dr. Phil! 😉
Phil,
As always I love reading your comments.
Will is coming up here next weekend and having both of them back at my place would be fantastic. Not sure if it will work with my flatmates being around as I’d predict that we’d get rather loud….
Fuck it – I’ll rent a hotel room for the night – saves me having to wash the sheets.
Dave
Definitely a good thing not to have to do extra bedclothes-laundering! And, hotels often have hot tubs and the like, which is an added bonus (though you’d have to restrict your activities there to foreplay, unless you want to gamble a bit…!?!)
Looking forward to hearing how it all goes with Will next weekend!
I subscribe to the rule that anything with consenting adults goes.
I do not see myself as any moral guardian. So, if a dude I am shagging is having pangs of guilt, since he is cheating on his BF, that is only his problem, possibly his BF’s problem but none of my business at all.
Monogamy is definitely not for everyone. And I know that it is NOT for me. In my books, men are perfectly capable of differentiating between love and sex. I do not embrace the idea that either my partner or I should limit our freedom to enjoy sex as it comes. I also perfectly respect the view of those guys who swear by the monogamous relationships. If it really works for them, more power to them… I’ll stay with what works for me…
SC
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